Digital Dietitian Pillows

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

Chez Nous Menu

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Bad for you but to die for

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

Critisize your weight.

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'