Digital Conversationist Pillows

"The date was confusing. We both had the same text and email alert noises."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Textin’"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

Spam in Hell.

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

Woman on the phone.

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

'The smart phone is amazing you can contact anybody in the world.'

Aluminium Henge

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

"Go ahead—unmute yourself."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

Modern Narcissism