Digital Confidants Gifts

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Your love gives me strength."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Personal Assistants.

Spa Dog

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

'These computer viruses are getting more and more powerful.'

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"So tell me, what exactly does fear smell like?"

"Of course homeworking has lots of advantages."

'Internet access... internet access....'

"I know she's only pretending to throw the ball but I still run for it."

'Okay, I promise I won't shout at you, because you're on the couch.'