Digital Age Mystic Gifts

'This app might be just the thing. It puts you in touch with your inner self.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

Life after death

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Evolution...the wifi rhino.

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"Can you spare a few megabytes of your precious time?"

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

'Another big newspaper just went out of business.', 'How did you hear about that?', 'I read it on the internet.'

After the summer holidays

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"Hey Google, describe the view."