Digital Age Mystic Pillows

'This app might be just the thing. It puts you in touch with your inner self.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Evolution...the wifi rhino.

Life after death

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Can you spare a few megabytes of your precious time?"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Statue of liberty selfie

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'Another big newspaper just went out of business.', 'How did you hear about that?', 'I read it on the internet.'

After the summer holidays

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

'I think I'll wait for the movie.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."