Digital Access Gifts

Username/Password

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

The Computer Bore

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Right click for yes...

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Text Culture

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Obsession with the Internet.

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

WiFi Signals

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Bird Tweet.

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

The Modern Novel.

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Two Generations of Readers

"Now you can send it."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"It says here that if you read stuff on an electronic device you can miss the big picture."

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'