Dieting Dynamos Gifts

It's tough staying on a diet. I buy a quart of milk and the cash register spits out coupons for cakes,cookies and pies!

'What aren't we eating today, my love?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Cossack dancers

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'As it's your birthday, I think I'll have a pudding.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

Genie.

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Would you like free or expensive water?"

"What's wrong, hon? You haven't touched my food."

'A table near the food, please.'

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

'Quit chewing tobacco? But that's the only source of fiber I get.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Woman on scales.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."