Dieting Dynamo Gifts

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"You reach your ideal body weight your way. I'll reach it my way."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Dietitian: Weighting Room.

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

'Gee! Your diet's beginning to work!'

'You need to get down to your original weight.'

'Whoa, I gotta lay off the grubs.'

Weight and Fortune.

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

'I can't understand it either. I watch my diet carefully but I go right on eating.'

'You're a day late, a dollar short, AND fifteen pounds overweight.'

Clancy: Dieting Dangers

Woman chaining herself to refrigerator so heavy man cannot open it.

Obesity Clinic.

Revenge is sweet and goes straight to the hips.

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

'Losing thirty pounds has added a new dimension to my life-fear of gaining it back.'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Romance

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Engineer on the move.

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Shrink

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."