Dishwashing Dynamos Gifts

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

Kitchen Tetris

Cossack dancers

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'You have her home by midnight, now!'

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Man with Ironing burns on shirt - "How are things going at home Robert?"

Bebaaaaaaaop! (sheep)

"A toothbrush with a DVD player?" "Yeah, now she brushes for half an hour."

"What's wrong, hon? You haven't touched my food."

"We're already wondering what her legacy might be."

'After scraping my tongue, flossing my teeth, brushing my teeth, whitening my teeth and gargling, I'm hungry all over again!'

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."

Politically Correct Dictionaries

Now that the last child had finally left for college, Dot and Neville went through the usual 'empty nest' grieving process.

'Rabbit stew again?' ( MAGICIANS HAT ON STOVE)

Two dancers in bejeweled suits and flat caps

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

"The boss started me on the bottom. Not in the mail room, but in the office cafeteria washing dishes."

'World peace? No -- but we've brought you some very advanced dishwashing detergents!'

'Mom, how old was I when dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

"When I told the robot vacuum company how many pets and kids I have, they sent me this."

'Sorry, Joe -- our only hope is to have Neil Kinnock debate her.'

The Takeaway.

The Backslider Bar.

"Did I say cute? I meant you look like the creator of the political philosophies of passive resistance and constructive nonviolence."

"They'd stop if we told them rap was poetry."

The Shock Jock - My Commentary Offends All Groups Without Regard to Race, Gender, Religion.

"Right! Let's break for lunch!. . . . Well don't just stand on ceremony!"

'His dad must be an oil executive. He's wearing double-hulled diapers.'

'What aren't we eating today, my love?'