Dietary Sensitivity Warriors Pillows

"Now Harold, you know those always give you heartburn."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'Oh yeah, ths boss is going to love the new hire.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"Yeah, it's a drag, but the only flight I could get was a red-eye."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

'Inside of me a thin person is struggling to get out. I find that person can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cream cheese cake.'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

Cow and Pig see 'Staff' logo reflected and read it as 'Fats'.

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Frank and Ernest's tips for travelers. When traveling makes you congested ... call rheum service. Sniff.

The Last Thanksgiving

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

Candies and diet pills

"Get off the fridge Kitty. I'm blowing the doors open."

'85% fat free, 100% taste free'