Dietary Evolutionist Gifts

Before/After

All Natural Nothing

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

International House of Excrement

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'New Barbeque.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

Nutritional Supplements.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'I don't care if we mostly eat protein - on a hot day like this I have a craving for ice cream.'

"We've gone glutton-free."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

Diet Cud

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'