Dietary Discernment Team Pillows

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Critisize your weight.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'