Dietary Diplomat T-Shirts

"But you know I'm vegan."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

Landing That Tough Account

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'