Diet Watcher Pillows

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"No, I'm not ET, I'm his brother EC, Extra Cholesterol."

'Well, since you're so picky: Why don't you choose the restaurant'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Critisize your weight.

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Diet considerations.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"