Diet Soda Admirer Pillows

'Yeah...all the good bottles were taken.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"We won!"

The Alpha Seltzer

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Fat man on scales.

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."