Diet Soda Admirer Pillows

'Yeah...all the good bottles were taken.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"We won!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

The Alpha Seltzer

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Fat man on scales.

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."