Diet Drink Lover Pillows

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'