Liquid Diet Enthusiast Pillows

"Dinner is poured."

All Natural Nothing

'I've found a way to improve on light beer!'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"I'm addicted to water."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

Wishing Well

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

Diet Cud

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"You're really serious about that diet!"