Juice Diet Devotee Pillows

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Easy chair exercise machines

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Obesity Report

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'