Diet Pill Skeptic Gifts

'These diet pills, take one after each meal.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

'Too much Omega 3.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Eureka! This has telemarketing sale of a diet supplement written all over it.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Lite Beer.

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."