Diet Pill Explorer Pillows

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

Before/After

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

Attack of the 'health' foods

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

"We've gone glutton-free."

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'I know why Max has suddenly turned vegetarian: His new girlfriend is a Fruit-Bat...'

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

Fast food trap.

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'Oh ya! I didn't tell you guys. I'm a vegetarian now.'

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

Bar None