Dietary Explorer Pillows

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Are you sure this is gluten free?"

"I'll have the vegan."

'I don't know where she gets it from.'

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

"We ought to give this diet a name."

Bar None

"I'm looking for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

Food-Fad Intolerant

"Danny told us you don't eat meat, so we made you a fisherman instead."

Do you have a traditional lacto-vegan christmas dinner?

'Damn vegans are everywhere.'

'I'm taking you off TV dinners.'

'Okay. Now you're just messing with me.'

For twenty years Harold had been a devoted vegetarian, but then one day...

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

'Oh ya! I didn't tell you guys. I'm a vegetarian now.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

What kind of diet are you on now?

"It's a plate of celery."

"We've gone glutton-free."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Actually, kale is toxic."

"I know... everybody just assumes I'm a vegetarian."

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Like death by salad.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.