Dietary Explorers Pillows

'In the last 26 years, I've lost 2143 pounds. Unfortunately, in the same period I've gained 2187 pounds!'

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Before/After

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

Anti-inflammation recipes

International House of Excrement

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'New Barbeque.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

Nutritional Supplements.

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"Oh, c'mon! Who eats aardvark with a fork?"

"We both love Chinese food."

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

Odd Spas

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'...tail of cat..tongue of toad and a good pinch of monosodium glutamate...'

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"We've gone glutton-free."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'I don't care if we mostly eat protein - on a hot day like this I have a craving for ice cream.'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'