Diet Desperado Gifts

"Psst... jelly doughnuts."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Diet considerations.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.