Diet Desperado Pillows

"Psst... jelly doughnuts."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Critisize your weight.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Secretive Weigh In.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).