Dieting Dropout Pillows

Forget The Diet And Bake Zum Pies!

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"On. More. Try."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

"When you tell your Father how you're dropping out of college to be a renaissance faire entertainer, the least you could do is break character."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Shrink

"I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

Woman and scales.

Woman stands on scales, holds bunch of balloons.

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."