Dieting Dilettantes Pillows

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

'Knock off the between-feast snacking.'

'Alice, you REALLY need to lay off eating the chocolate turtles!'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

How about going easy on the carbs

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .