Diet Delvers Gifts

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Chocs away.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'