Diet Cynics Pillows

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Sawdust.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Lite Beer.

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Do you want flies with that?'

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

'Does this fig leaf make me look fat?'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'