Diet Cynic Pillows

Desert Island Slimmer of the Year award.

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"It's sugar, fat, gluten and lactose free...They say it will help you live longer."

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Sawdust.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'