Nutrition Cynics Pillows

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

'I could have had a V-8!'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

'I envy your metabolism.'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Energy Drinks

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'Do you want flies with that?'

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'Not another Doctor Who spin off!?'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Church of the Low-Carbs

"Twice a week I eat nothing but fruit."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"