Nutrition Cynics Pillows

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'I could have had a V-8!'

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

'I envy your metabolism.'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'Do you want flies with that?'

Energy Drinks

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Church of the Low-Carbs

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"Twice a week I eat nothing but fruit."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."