Fitness Cynic Pillows

'I got this fat by sitting around watching excercize video tapes.'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Guy in gym

"I hate this time of year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"I'm sorry to say your husband took so many antioxidants, he suffocated."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."