Diet Cynics Gifts

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Sawdust.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Do you want flies with that?'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

'What you need is some negative growth.'

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'Not another Doctor Who spin off!?'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

'Does this fig leaf make me look fat?'

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'