Diet Culture Satirist Pillows

'And what did you model-mashed potatoes and gravy?'

'I've felt much better ever since John D. Rockefeller started me on liposuction.'

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Two vegans, please."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'