Diet Book Lovers Pillows

Caveman reading book, 'Eat it and Look for More'.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."