Diet Book Collectors Pillows

'I got the idea while stranded on a tropical isle.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

Party time.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Divine Desk Bins

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

Restaurant Chef with book titled: 'Introduction To Cooking'.

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'