Diet Book Collector Pillows

'If you like these, I'm going up next to get his diet book!'

'The secret of her dieting success is she spent so much on diet books there was no money left for food.'

'I feel there's one last book inside me,'

Come dine with me!

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Natural Nothing

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Party time.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Men's cooking'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Cook in the cookery section.

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Seminal moments in Chicken History

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.