Diet Book Enthusiast Pillows

"The key to being a writer is to take all the sadness and turmoil deep in the center of your being and channel it into a diet cookbook."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Fat man on scales.

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.