Dictionary Dodger Gifts

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

Fear of news.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

Revenuers will be shot.

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"You'll catch her if you're quick. She made a dash for the back door."

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"I'm had a miserable day, so I'd appreciate it if neither of you mention politics, wildfires or COVID."

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

Cone of Silence

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

'Maybe he doesn't want to know what's going on in the world.'

'Right so we're agreed then, no one ever reads these reports so there's no point writing them anymore...and while we're at it we can stop filling out these forms, they're a waste of time.'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

"We need to shelter him from all news about economic indicators!"

Traffic Court. To be fair, he did pay his ticket.

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

"My new year's resolution was to watch less news. Hal's was no news at all."

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

'Good report Bob but it's not quite there yet.' And neither was Bob.

"Sorry, Cruz, I flunked my history test...and now I'm grounded."

"Cancel my appointments, I'vestopped watching the news."