Dialect Coach Gifts

Scouse For Beginners

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Songbird.

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"I can't talk louder, I'm a little horse."

"Let me know when you get tired of berries. We'll work on your people skills."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Tenors

"Stop referring to you and me as 'we'!"

'She nitpicks all the time!'

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

An opera singer

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Warring parents

"Great set of pipes!"

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

'My programmer doesn't understand me.'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

"I detect an accent – money?"