Dial-a-dog Gifts

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'I found him on the internet.'

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'What is it Spot? What are you trying to tell me?'

Dog Messages

"It's been one of those days. I don't know if I’ve been chasing my tail or it's been chasing me."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

'Who handles your media, Rex?'

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"You can stop now. The squirrels are gone."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

Dog in therapy.

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'No need to shout.'

'Vet clinic? I'd like to make an appointment for a physical. It's been seven years.'

'Speak.'

"Woof"

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

"He's sending an instant message."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.