Dog Communicator Gifts

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

"I hate to break it to you, but I have never considered myself your best friend."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

So you're a mocking bird...

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"I have no thumbs."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"