Canine Communications Gifts

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"I have no thumbs."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'What is it Spot? What are you trying to tell me?'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"