Dial-a-dog Pillows

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'I found him on the internet.'

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

'What is it Spot? What are you trying to tell me?'

Dog Messages

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Who handles your media, Rex?'

Dog in therapy.

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

"It's been one of those days. I don't know if I’ve been chasing my tail or it's been chasing me."

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"You can stop now. The squirrels are gone."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'No need to shout.'

"Woof"

'Speak.'

"He's sending an instant message."

'Vet clinic? I'd like to make an appointment for a physical. It's been seven years.'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'Think that pose will work for me? I need to ask my boss for a raise.'