Devout Jokester Pillows

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Men dancing

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

'Tender and Juicy.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

Summer Reading

"An olive or a twist?"

"Moses, remember commandment three."

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'How can you tell?'

Politics Books