Devout Jokester Mugs

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Men dancing

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

Dentists who do appendectomies.

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Politics Books

'How can you tell?'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"Moses, remember commandment three."

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

"An olive or a twist?"