Devotional Chef T-Shirts

"I'd like it rare...no...WELL DONE, good and faithful servant!"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Namasteak"

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"The wings are addictive."

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Is everything ok with your Emile?"

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

You know, Lars, you really should ask the waiter for a whine list. If it weren't for the fact that I can see the spelling in your word balloon, that insult would have gone right over my head.

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"You should have said you wanted chairs when you booked the table."

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

"Waiter, there's a fly in my trout!"

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Heavenly Take Out

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'