Devotee Of Humor Pillows

'Well, Mr. Hefner. Here we are. Hope you're not disappointed.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Crap from the future.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Charles Addams.

The Monroe Doctrine

Honest Voting Stickers

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Think tanks.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Police Lineup Escape

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'Escape?...Why?'

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

Euro Collapse

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

"Uncle Tod's Reviews"

Dollars Press Conference