Devilish Documenter Gifts

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Kirsten Johnson

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Crocodile

Police film evidence

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Mephistopheles

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Fahrenheit 911.

'I still say these shots need more action.'

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

Bat out of Hell

Michael Moore

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

Ernie is a documentary filmmaker who tells stories of folks in their professional lives -- I think he should wonk on his film titles more. One film looked at the surprisingly competitive cutthroat world of the dry cleaning business. "The Hanger Games." In another, we see astronomers traveling to remote locations to escape light pollution. "The Dark Night." Ernie showed us the bond among young butchers in an increasingly vegan world. "Stand by Meat"! And he told us the story of a man who i

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'Because it's there.' ... 'Because he may fall.'

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

An environmental documentary crew filming garbage washing up on the beach.

'You're a funny beggar, switching off the sound just because Joanna Lumley is ENTHUSING!'

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