Devilish Dining Aficionado Gifts

"Hog Hell"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Brie okay?.' 'Very runny.'

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.