Devilish Dining Aficionado Gifts

"Hog Hell"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"Room for dessert, folks?"

'Brie okay?.' 'Very runny.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts