Development Diaries Fans Gifts

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Carrot VS Stick

"Bet she says 'moo' before she says 'oink'."

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

~ S.O.S.

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

"The end of 'Shark Week' is near!"

"But what's my motivation?"

'My parents didn't want me getting left behind in the system.'

'She said her first 'I hate you' today.'

'Guess what! I got my act together! And this is it!'

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

Casting Wildlife Films.

'At least he kept his promise not to go to the media or government.'

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

"Are you not infotained?!!"

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents. (Published originally on Janurary 8, 2009.)

'No, the book you want isn't in our self-help section. It's probably under personal growth or finding yourself or possibly ego awareness.'

"Well, he's learned to walk the walk, now he just needs to learn how to talk the talk."

"Just follow me around for a day with a camera. It would make a great reality TV show. ... I'm serious."

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

'I'm sorry, but I'll have to eat you. . . they're filming a documentary.'

The case against Mike Moore.

The Joys of Retraining

'Get a life? That's it?'

"Call me old-fashioned, but I felt much more at home with the Forsytes than I do with the Louds."